The shots

The shots didn’t work.  The RE called my husband this week while he was out of town for work.  When he got home, he told me the news.  He didn’t want to tell me over the phone.  And now we are all caught up to the present.

I’m glad I’m so impatient.  I’m glad I always assume the worst, and that I thought something was wrong with me from the get-go.  It’s only been just about a full year that I’ve been off BC, and we already know what we have to do.  IVF is the only option.  For a lot of people it takes years to even come to that conclusion, so in a way, I feel like we are still at an advantage somehow.

Tomorrow I’m calling the RE to make another appointment.  My husband is going to talk to the urologist over the phone, but my RE said it’s a safe bet we can just get going with IVF.

I’m not that upset that the shots didn’t work.  I’ve been mentally preparing myself for the worst since February.  I think my husband had more hope that they would help his numbers even just a little, so we could try IUI, or something a little less invasive.  But it is not to be.  His count actually went down slightly.  Unreal.

I always thought it would be me.  And the first 8 months of trying I thought it was me.  Maybe it still will be me partially.  My periods are still irregular.  But it’s definitely not just me.  My husband has been so amazing, and patient, and strong throughout this.  I’ve always assumed that most guys, with their machismo, would be devastated, their egos damaged by this kind of diagnosis.  But my husband is too smart for that bullshit.  He is logical.  When we first found out, and I was bawling my eyes out, asking him why he wasn’t that upset, he said “None of this changes the outcome.  Until we exhaust every treatment available, I’m not going to get upset”.  I got it, but at the time was still too devastated to be comforted by that logic.

So now, I’m trying to be as logical, and smart, and hopeful as my sweet husband.


2 thoughts on “The shots

  1. My husband was very stoic throughout our male factor diagnosis as well. I think sometimes, in his darkest moments, he thought I blamed him for our infertility…but I don’t and I never have. When people ask what our problem is, or who is the problem (and they always do!) we say that it is both of us because it is “our problem”. He does find it hard watching me inject myself and putting myself through all the procedures that we gals have to go through with IVF etc, but I always reassure him always that this is our path and I have long accepted it.

    Good luck with your journey, I also find blogging a great way to deal!

  2. I really appreciate your comment. When I decided to do this I was hoping it would be a way to vent, but also gain a little insight/info from fellow bloggers who can truly relate to our situation!

    My husband has been strong enough for the both of us since we got our diagnosis, and I’m sure he will continue to be as we really get under way with the whole process. When we first found out and I was throwing myself a selfish little pity party, he’s the one who kept it together. I’m so glad that he’s not ashamed about the MFI, and is fine with me being open about both of our issues with close friends/family. Being able to talk about it makes the whole thing a little bit easier.

    Thanks again, and I wish the best of luck to you as well!

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