My best friend said something the other day that made made it very clear to me that while she can try to sympathize with our current situation, she will never understand what I’m going through. She’ll never feel these feelings. She will never have this perspective. Neither will most of my other girlfriends who all have children, my mother, mother-in-law, and I hope not my sisters either (when they someday decide to have children.) It seems as though everyone in my immediate circle will never feel what I’m feeling. And that’s when I realize that I feel so isolated and alone.
We were discussing our upcoming IVF consultation. I was explaining the ins and outs, and she asked about the likelihood of having twins. I joked, “I hope we have twins! That would be amazing. More bang for your buck.” Twins. That would be the ultimate success for us with IVF. For IVF to work will feel like a miracle, and to be able to get two babies out of it, when you’re terrified you may never even get one, would be incredible. And she said, “I don’t understand that. I am loving being pregnant, I would never give this experience up. I look forward to doing it again may times.” She took what I said to mean that it would be great to get two babies out of an IVF cycle, so I wouldn’t have to deal with being pregnant multiple times. Oh. No. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be insensitive, but she has no idea. So I calmly explained that many women who have to do IVF would just be so thrilled to be able to actually conceive A baby, that two at once would be like a dream.
I will happily take morning sickness and feeling like bloated, uncomfortable shit, day in and day out for 9 months, if that would mean I’d get a baby at the end of it. And I would do it several times too. If only it would work.
It has to work.