Random Sunday night musings

Is it weird that at the ripe old age of 28, I still don’t know my period worth a shit?  I’ll keep talking about this because I have nothing new to report.  I have so many girlfriends whose bodies work the same, every month, like clock-work.  Oh, and they’re all pregnant right now, but that’s besides the point.  Or is it?  Anyway, right now I am at my ‘mid-end of cycle spot for 10 days then stop for a day, then turn a little more period like, but not quite’, phase.  And eventually, it’ll come.  I just don’t know when.  But this is the first month in a very long time (especially since beginning TTC) that I’ve actually wanted it to come.  Like NOW.  Then, I can go to Quest Diagnostics, my favorite place to hang out in the city (eeeew) and take a stat quant HCG test.  And an HIV test, a little bonus I wasn’t aware of.  My blood work script is nothing compared to my husband’s though, which currently consists of every major deadly STD in the world (I will not be seen with him at that appointment).  Anyway, fingers crossed that period will be here stat.

I went out with 2 of my pregnant girlfriends the other night (most are) to see Magic Mike.  First we had dinner, and we got to catch up on pregnancy, babies, and my pitiful infertility tales.  I don’t really know how I feel talking about it with all these Fertiles.  They really just don’t get it.  These two are good friends of mine, and they know because they knew we were “trying”, we were all “trying” at the same time, and it was just too damn hard to keep to myself after I still wasn’t pregnant a year later.  I feel like it’s a lot more painful and isolating to keep it a secret, then it is for the secret to kind of be out in the open with certain friends, but their general cluelessness still irritates me.  I should know, it’s not their fault, they each tried for about a month or 2 off the pill before they easily became pregnant.  They don’t need to know a damn thing about infertility treatments, and especially IVF.  But still, I feel like none of them grasp what an ordeal it is.  I guess I don’t even know what an ordeal it is, yet, but I will.

Magic Mike was full of pregnant chicks.  Every group of girlfriends there had 1-2 pregnants within it.  In the bathroom, as me and my 2 friends washed our hands, another pregnant chick started commiserating with them, and all I could think was, “ughhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Why can’t I be one of them?

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