I can’t get enough Gonal-F. Ever since yesterday’s good news I’m psyched to shoot up. I’m fiending for more! My follicles need their fix.
On an unrelated note, yesterday my husband said something so sweet, and sad, it almost brought me to tears. And it reminded me how much infertility has changed us. After I called him with the news that our cycle would continue, he said when we hung up, he almost started to cry. Not because he was happy (which he obviously was), but because he was just so relieved that I was finally happy. It’s been so long since I’ve been genuinely happy about something related to our situation.
Obviously I still laugh, and smile, and joke about things in my daily life. But there is always that sick, sad feeling, looming in the back of my mind. And there are a lot of tears. There is always worry that this won’t work.
Our infertility affects him too, of course, but I know it affects me so much more. It’s just a female thing, I think. If we can’t get pregnant, whatever the cause, that’s it. That’s all we think about. It’s life consuming.
I hope we keep getting good news. I don’t want to be this sad, miserable wife to my husband. That’s not who he married. He deserves to see the old me every once in awhile.
Tomorrow morning is another blood draw, and I should be getting more instructions in the afternoon. I hope they’ll have a better idea of when retrieval might be. I’m getting restless!