But, I feel my sanity is dangling by a thread, and it’s still early. This is really my first real 2WW. The first 8 months of TTC naturally I had no expectations. My cycles were irregular. My OPKs made no sense to me, and I could never figure out if I actually ovulated. I got bummed out a couple times, but I wasn’t one of those people who peed on a stick constantly. I just didn’t expect to be pregnant. I turned out to be right, every time.
Then from February until the end of June, when we knew we had no shot in hell of conceiving naturally due to MFI, I had no 2WWs. Sex wasn’t a form of baby-making. It was simply fun. Which was pretty nice. I was still going crazy of course, waiting for my husband to get HCG shots for 5 months that I subconsciously knew wouldn’t help, but at least I wasn’t expecting a pregnancy every time we did it.
I know I’ll test next week as soon as I can. My beta is Friday, so I’m sure I’ll be dying to test by Wednesday. I really have no idea what to think right now. I want to be pregnant of course, but I don’t expect it. It would be a pleasant surprise if this actually worked. For whatever reason, I can’t let myself get excited. I wish I could be more positive, but I just can’t do it. The let down would hurt far too much. Of course, it’s going to hurt whether I’m super optimistic, or not at all. But maybe I’ll be a little but more prepared if I remain skeptical.
I was all excited to have a funny headline like 3dptltip (3 days post the last time I pooped) however, it was no longer appropriate. I finally pooped! A lot. It only took 2 days, 4 Colace, 2 Senokot, and 2 huge glasses of Metamucil (orange flavored loogies), along with a REAL cup of coffee this morning (fuck it, girl’s gotta poop).
Of course, this relief came with its own wave of panic, because even though I asked the IVF nurse if I could take a Senna laxative, and she said yes, I still decided to google if it was safe for pregnancy. OMG. When the fuck will I learn? Every message board under the sun says no to Senna and Senokot, as it is a stimulant laxative, it can cause uterine contractions, miscarriages, blablabiddybla. I’m not even pregnant yet, but in my head I took that to mean that it could definitely interfere with implantation.
So, I worried all night. Husband talked me out of it. Worried about it some more today, finally decided to call again. After explaining, in detail, why I was worried, and making the nurse think I was officially nuts, I’m okay again. She actually said “Well I’ve never looked into it THAT far, but if you only take it a couple times it’s fine. I know we’ve offered it to patients before.” That’s good enough for me.
Off I go to twiddle my thumbs and watch the clock. Tick, tick….