3dp2dt

I’m surviving.

But, I feel my sanity is dangling by a thread, and it’s still early. This is really my first real 2WW.  The first 8 months of TTC naturally I had no expectations.  My cycles were irregular.  My OPKs made no sense to me, and I could never figure out if I actually ovulated.  I got bummed out a couple times, but I wasn’t one of those people who peed on a stick constantly.  I just didn’t expect to be pregnant.  I turned out to be right, every time.

Then from February until the end of June, when we knew we had no shot in hell of conceiving naturally due to MFI, I had no 2WWs.  Sex wasn’t a form of baby-making.  It was simply fun.  Which was pretty nice.  I was still going crazy of course, waiting for my husband to get HCG shots for 5 months that I subconsciously knew wouldn’t help, but at least I wasn’t expecting a pregnancy every time we did it.

I know I’ll test next week as soon as I can.  My beta is Friday, so I’m sure I’ll be dying to test by Wednesday.  I really have no idea what to think right now.  I want to be pregnant of course, but I don’t expect it.  It would be a pleasant surprise if this actually worked.  For whatever reason, I can’t let myself get excited.  I wish I could be more positive, but I just can’t do it.  The let down would hurt far too much.  Of course, it’s going to hurt whether I’m super optimistic, or not at all.  But maybe I’ll be a little but more prepared if I remain skeptical.

Poop Update:

I was all excited to have a funny headline like 3dptltip (3 days post the last time I pooped) however, it was no longer appropriate.  I finally pooped!  A lot.  It only took 2 days, 4 Colace, 2 Senokot, and 2 huge glasses of Metamucil (orange flavored loogies), along with a REAL cup of coffee this morning (fuck it, girl’s gotta poop).

Of course, this relief came with its own wave of panic, because even though I asked the IVF nurse if I could take a Senna laxative, and she said yes, I still decided to google if it was safe for pregnancy.  OMG.  When the fuck will I learn? Every message board under the sun says no to Senna and Senokot, as it is a stimulant laxative, it can cause uterine contractions, miscarriages, blablabiddybla.  I’m not even pregnant yet, but in my head I took that to mean that it could definitely interfere with implantation.

So, I worried all night.  Husband talked me out of it.  Worried about it some more today, finally decided to call again.  After explaining, in detail, why I was worried, and making the nurse think I was officially nuts, I’m okay again.  She actually said “Well I’ve never looked into it THAT far, but if you only take it a couple times it’s fine.  I know we’ve offered it to patients before.”  That’s good enough for me.

Off I go to twiddle my thumbs and watch the clock.  Tick, tick….

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15 thoughts on “3dp2dt

  1. Hi! I discovered your blog over the weekend and, I have to tell you, I am SO thankful you are sharing your journey. I find reading your story and the comments/suggestions/tips left from other bloggers has definitely helped me cope as we are just beginning down the IVF road (after 2 years of trying and 1 failed IUI attempt). Tonight is our first Lupron injection!! and I am very nervous- not about the needle but about finally getting started. So, again, thank you and bring on all the poop advice! (BTW, glad you are feeling better!)

    Being this anxious now, I can only imagine how you are feeling – Hang in there! 🙂

    • Hi friend!
      I’m glad my nonsensical babbling is helpful to you! I realized that if I didn’t blog, either my head would explode, or my husband would run out the front door and never come home. It has been such a good experience to be able to reach out and talk to so many people who actually GET IT, since no one in my real life does. You should join us! 🙂
      Every step of this process is anxiety ridden. Doesn’t matter where you’re at. I felt super emotional when I realized Lupron was finally starting because it meant that big bad IVF, with all its possibilities, was finally here.
      The Lupron hurts! I hope you iced. That was probably my least fave of the injectables. Just make sure you have some Colace or Dulcolax on hand because it really can mess a person’s poo schedule up for a few days. My body seemed to adapt after a couple days, but at first it sucked.
      Good luck to you! Keep me posted with how things are going!

  2. Step away from Dr. Google. STEP. AWAY.

    Plus, I’m sure in the world of poop and babies that being nightmarishly constipated is probably soooo much worse for your uterus relaxing and doing it’s thing than any laxative.

    As you said, a girl’s gotta poop.

  3. I, too, plan on a big old regular cup of coffee tomorrow.
    STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE!
    Maybe schedule yourself some distractions? A dinner with friends, a date night on a weeknight, a walk after work? (I can’t wait to see how crazy the TWW is going to make me).
    Also, I totally get the hesitation.Having been down this path the pure excitement of getting pregnant is totally gone. Sucks.

    • Coffee’s gooood. All my naturally pregnant friends drink their regular coffees and caffeinated beverages without hesitation. Why shouldn’t I?
      This weekend should keep me busy. I have a couple girlfriends in town for a race, and they’re crashing here. Nightly walks are happening. It’s still just not time consuming enough!
      Get ready to go nuts! 🙂

  4. Dr. Google will be the death of me. It’s the first place I look no matter how hard I try not to and it always freaks me out. All this information at my fingertips is not good for me.

    My beta is next Friday too and I’m just trying to hold out until this weekend. I have soooo many internet cheapos that I can test with so that’s not helping me hold out at all. This is one of a long line of TWWs and I can say without a doubt that it never gets any easier!

  5. I’m thinking good thoughts for you! And not being able to poop is the worst ever- glad that problem is over with.

    I agree with you about not over-thinking stuff like coffee. It does seem like everyone who naturally gets pregnant does so with coffee and other supposedly less-than-ideal conditions, so I tend to not think those little things really matter (unless you’re drinking like 4 cups of coffee a day!).

    Ah, I can’t even imagine how anxious/realistic/hopeful/excited you are right now! I’d be freaking out! I hope you pamper yourself and have lots of fun with friends, movies, and your hubby to make the wait more bearable. 🙂

  6. Every time I freak out about eating or drinking something that could be harmful for pregnancy, I remind myself that most people have no clue that they’re even pregnant until 6-8 weeks and they manage to have healthy babies – which is why even now that I know that I’m pregnant I let myself indulge in a little caffeine at least once a week! I wouldn’t worry!

  7. It’s so hard to stay away from Google!!! Glad things are going better in the poop department – I’m so glad to know about the potential issue so I can be prepared!

    My RE doesn’t even say to cut out all caffeine – she says I can have my one cup of tea per day. I debated about giving it up, but really, it’s so hard to believe that one cup of tea would make a difference in the scheme of things!

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