The Shock of a Lifetime.

It has been a hectic few months for us. Our baby girl turned 1 in May for which we threw a huge bash, I had bridal showers, a handful of weddings, bachelorette parties, BBQs.

Just last week after a crazy drunken wedding, I suddenly had a painful (TMI) hemorrhoid Sunday morning. I’ve always had a couple small ones that didn’t hurt after the baby was born, but I had to do something about this pain. So Tuesday I saw a colorectal surgeon, he shot me up with lidocaine (ouch), and removed them, put some dissolvable stitches in, and prescribed me some Lortab, which I was told I would need. As soon as the local wore off I realized this was the most painful thing I’d ever experience. I was unable to go to the bathroom for 4 days, and when I did it was only because of laxatives, and was just awful. This horrifying surgery and the aftermath is really maybe the subject for another post, but I just wanted to give you an idea of what my past week was like. (Painkillers, napping, laxatives, and more painkillers).

Since the beginning of May, through all the fun and games of summer, and this nasty little procedure & recovery, I have completely neglected my cycle. I had gone on birth control in March, but the low dosage wasn’t doing much. I asked for a stronger dosage, and stayed on it for a couple months until my spring vacations were over. Since the medication wasn’t making me regular, with plenty of breakthrough bleeding and spotting the entire time, I decided to give up on it. Besides, we didn’t really need to prevent pregnancy with our severe MFI diagnosis.

Just this past Sunday (3 days ago), I decided to go to the drug store for more post-surgery pads, possibly tampons in case I got my period any time soon (where is that old thing anyway?), and a few other goodies. Before I left I told my husband maybe I’d buy a pregnancy test, half-joking, realizing I hadn’t seen red blood in probably 2 months, just the usual brown spotting. While at the drug store I debated even buying the tests since they’re so expensive, and really, what a waste of money.

Fast forward to a half hour later, I’m peeing on a stick in the upstairs bathroom. Within seconds, both lines appeared. I was stunned. I cried a single tear (probably due to worry over my drinking/recent painkiller use), and ran downstairs to show my husband. He was in total disbelief, and obviously thrilled. I took the other test in the box I bought, and had him run out to buy a few more brands. Six positive peesticks later and we were pretty convinced that I was somehow pregnant, despite my wonky cycles and his severely low sperm count, and in utter disbelief. I didn’t sleep too well that night.

Yesterday I called my doctor, still panicking, begging to come in for a sonogram to date this, since I had no concept of when my period last came. I could be 5 or 6 or 9 weeks along. All they had me do was go in to a lab for a blood test, and I FINALLY found out today at 3pm, after several phone calls to my doctor, staring at my phone for 6 hours, and shaking all day with nerves, that yes, “Congratulations”, I am pregnant. WHAT?!?!

We are stunned. I feel like I’m watching a movie about someone else’s life. It’s just so unexpected, it’s something we were told would likely NEVER happen. The first couple days I was terrified, upset that I wasn’t prepared, that I’ve drank pretty heavily several times at weddings/parties, taken Lortab for surgery (just for a couple days, but still, when does THAT normally happen), not to mention no prenatals. I feel like a freaking Teen Mom. How irresponsible. How could I be so out of tune with my body? I didn’t notice any symptoms. With my IVF pregnancy I did everything right: prenatals for a year beforehand, no alcohol for months before our cycle, and here we are now, doing a total 180. I guess I feel for those “I didn’t know I was pregnant” ladies? Wtf.

So, Monday I will go in for an appointment and sonogram. As someone who knows this routine all too well I’m super nervous, and just praying we will see a little growing baby with a heartbeat, even after all I’ve put it through. I can’t wait to find out how many weeks I am. I can’t wait to actually get to surprise our families this time. Is this real? Am I really saying these ridiculous, naive-sounding things? Am I not going to have to go through IVF again? Am I really going to have a not quite 2-year-old and an infant at the same time?

I really really hope so…